You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
