Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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