and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
