your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
