i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just want nice things and good sex
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
