I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
