i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
only you would photoshop your dick
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
