Girls should come with a carfax report
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
