Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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