we have officially lost it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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