I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she woke up with a sticky ear
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
