but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
