so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He felt like a one man threesome
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
