Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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