even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
