Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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