woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
