One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
