Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
