Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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