I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Redeem this text for a blowjob
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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