There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
