From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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