I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
