Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
