using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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