No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
