So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
