Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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