Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we're making bets on your personal life
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
