never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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