would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
