cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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