Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
