My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
