grandma shit on top of the toilet
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
