Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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