I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
