Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
