If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
