I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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