I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I would fuck him just for his dog
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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