I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
