I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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