Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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