Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
