I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
