everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
