dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
