drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
