i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
