anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
